She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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