Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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