wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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