There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
