pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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