Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
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I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
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I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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