it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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