my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
