I want to walk on stilts...naked
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm really busy with my period
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