did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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