we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
