I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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