so that wasnt chicken after all
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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