he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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