I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
