we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
