Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
