I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
