I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
