Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
