i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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