maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
