census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
