so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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