The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
