I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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