I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He passed out mid-signature
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
