Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
