No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
