saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
