some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
