I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
