All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
