I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
