she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can I color on your dick again?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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