Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
