Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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