Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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