youre lurking in front of me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize