how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
