And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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