if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
as a side note pls kill me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
