she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
