I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sex in a hospital.. check
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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