my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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