Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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