called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
