This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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