i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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