i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
