Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize