Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
