i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
