I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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