i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.