got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review