Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
