I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.