she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.