dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.