i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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