I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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