Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
