You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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