and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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