Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize