tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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