how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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