Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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