I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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