dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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