is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
