Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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