do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
