I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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