my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
